Finding Joy in the “Little Things”

Happy 2018!

It is truly unbelievable that another year has come and gone. I can honestly say that 2017 was an amazing year for my son and I. We are finding our joy in life again. Not every day is a great day, but we have learned to find something great in every day.

I began this journey almost three years ago. I started blogging not long after. My problem was that I would start a new post, second guess myself, and then delete it, before it was ever published. Ahh, the joys of anxiety.

I originally started this blog as an “outlet” to express my grief journey. I also had hopes that maybe I could help someone realize that they are not alone in how they feel, and to show them that there is hope for a future. I want people to understand that you don’t have to be “stuck” in the never-ending cycle of loss. There is hope for a future. A new life, new experiences, new joys to be found. My life is not perfect now. But I have found a new happy. My daily prayer is that everyone out there who is drowning in grief, to find happiness also. We all know that nothing will ever be the same, but we must live for our loved ones. We carry them with us always.

My hope, for the future of this blog, is to help others. A little more about life, a little less sadness. So lets see what adventures 2018 has in store for us!

Curveballs

I know it has been a while. I apologize. It has hit me, that life throws more curveballs than anyone could ever imagine. It has been placed upon my heart to pray the 54 Psalm:

“Save me, O God, by your name , and vindicate me by your strength. Hear my prayer, O God; Give ear to the words of my mouth. For strangers have risen up against me. And oppressors have sought after my life; They have not set God before them. Selah

Behold, God is my helper; The Lord is with those who uphold my life. He will repay my enemies for their evil. Cut them off in Your truth. I will freely sacrifice to You. I will praise Your name, O Lord, for it is good. For He has delivered me out of all trouble; And my eye has seen its desire upon my enemies.”

This time of year (the holidays) is always hard on anyone who has lost a loved one. I pray that the few, who read this, will study the verse above. I pray for understanding. I pray for peace. I pray for comfort. God bless everyone. Have a blessed Christmas (or whatever holiday you celebrate), and a most blessed New Year!

Life

So, today is yet another day I had to give in to fear and depression. I have already lived my worst nightmare, twice. But now I worry so much for our family in blue. Why must these attacks on police continue? Why is there so much evil? Where is God’s protection during these hard times?

I know the Almighty is there. I do have problems comprehending the why. Why did my husband have to die? Did his life matter any less? He meant the world to our children and myself. I pray he knew that. I pray for God’s protection over all the LEOs, worldwide. Please stay safe out there, my friends. No one ever knows what today or tomorrow will bring.

Prayer from the heart

Abba, Father, I come to you. I kneel down and beg you for your help and guidance. I am crying out to you from the pit of darkness. I need your light, I need to see your face. Jehovah-Shamma, please be present with me. Jehovah-Shalom, please give me peace. I miss my family. I know you have your reasons for everything, but I am lost. I am so very grateful for the time I had with both my husband, and my daughter. Please help me to keep this depression, and darkness at bay. I love you my Father, my Jesus, MY Savior. My faith will not fail me. I know you are there. In Jesus Name.

“In this you greatly rejoice, even though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been distressed by various trials, so that the proof of your faith, being more precious than gold which is perishable, even though tested by fire, may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ;” 1 Peter 1 NASB

Happy New Year

That has been a very hard phrase for me. I do believe that God has a big plan for my son and I. I trust Him. But, at the same time, it is so hard to let go. Each new day that goes by is another day without my husband and daughter. I miss them both so very much.

I have big plans, though, for this new year. Despite my tremendous losses, I have gained so very much. I feel my relationship with the Lord has become so very close. That is the only thing that keeps me sane. That, and lots and lots of humor from my sweet son. I want to use my gifts to help others. I want to be a better mom for my son, a better daughter to my dad, a better sister, and a better friend.

My New Years resolutions have nothing to do with wealth, weight loss, or anything else that is on the typical resolution list. My one resolution is to make sure all of my loved ones, family and friends, will always know how much I love and appreciate them. I am so blessed with an awesome family, and fantastic friends.

I will continue to daily pray for our Law Enforcement Officers, and all other first responders. Pray for our country and our world. Jesus is coming soon. Make sure you are ready.

2015

My life has never been simple. There has always been something going on. I guess God wanted to prepare me for this journey ahead.

My husband and I started dating when we were in high school. We married a couple of years after graduation. Life was hard, at first, but he always found a way to bring humor into our circumstances. Every new day I loved that man even more. We had two beautiful children. First a daughter, who was the world like her dad, then our son, who is my mini me.

We loved to dance, play, go on nature hikes, walk the trails, and just act plain silly. I was blessed with this man for almost 16 years of marriage. Then one night changed everything.

I had just got out of the shower and getting the kids ready for bed when I got the phone call. “Robin, I’m on my way to get you. I don’t know what’s happened. Your husband is in the hospital.”

I knew when he left for this shift that something wasn’t just right. I begged him to stay home. But he refused to leave his shift short handed. A simple traffic stop, and they took his life. I will never truly understand why.

I was then a widow. A WIDOW at 34. I had two kids to raise, all on my own. I’m still lost.

Then, almost 6 months to the day, my daughter died suddenly of heart failure. I performed CPR for 30 minutes, until the ambulance arrived. The hospital tried for an hour, but to no avail. She was gone. Then I was the widow with one child.

The trials of life try to take everything from you. Don’t let it. Somehow through all this sadness and grief, I have found a closer relationship with Jesus. He is my only rock. My foundation. Lover of my soul. I will keep my eyes on the Shepherd. I want to see my family again. All I can ask, if you haven’t found the love of Christ yet, contact me, or your local church. Its easy to receive forgiveness, all you have to do is ask.